she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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