Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my being single is dangerous.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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