Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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