Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You ruined the universe
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
