I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
