4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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