I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
