He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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