If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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