there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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