She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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