So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
