when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
