I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
