Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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