My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My ass is underappreciated
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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