How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
