So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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