He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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