On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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