some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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