evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
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