woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
