Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
3pm strippers are depressing
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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