Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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