he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
