so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
