Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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