i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
