bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
