OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
