you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Randomize
