as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
