I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
birth control should be required to get into college
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
