Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
