next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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