I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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