Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
