Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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