Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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