so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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