This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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