She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
