can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
