I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
