We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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