I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
