my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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