Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
