he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
