Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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