remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
