I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
