Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
where are you?
Hypothermia
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
