The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Your cock deserves a montage
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
